|favorite music||javax.sql.rowset.serial.SerialClob@1 9315428|
|favorite tv shows||javax.sql.rowset.serial.SerialClob@7 fcb7326|
|favorite movies||javax.sql.rowset.serial.SerialClob@7 58c1b03|
|favorite games||javax.sql.rowset.serial.SerialClob@1 78e4e9e|
|favorite books||javax.sql.rowset.serial.SerialClob@5 f50556|
Saint Augustine's School, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur 1994-2004 2005-2006
Saint Louis College, High School, San Fernando, La Union 2004-2005
Saint Louis University, Baguio City 2006-2007 - Bachelor of Science in Nursing
University of Baguio 2009 (First semester) - Bachelor of Science in Nursing
LORMA COLLEGES, San Fernando City, La Union 2007-2008 2009 (Second semester)-2011 - Bachelor of Science in Nursing
Reeves College, Lloydminster, Alberta 2018-2019 - Medical Office Administration
Real Name: Holly Cynth Lorenzana Lamadrid
Pen name: Princess Shadylane Heart MemoryVixen IyeshiaTestatrix
Underground Name: Vixen Iyeshia Testatrix
Birthday: November 06, 1989
Birthplace: Tagudin, Ilocos Sur, Philippines 2714
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
Profession: Registered Nurse, Licensed Intravenous Therapy Nurse, Medical Office Administrator, Certified Blogger
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Brown to dark brown
Blood Type: AB+
Favorite Color/s: Pink, Purple, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, Black... neon colors
Favorite Food: Anything with dairy products
Favorite Snack: Anything with dairy products
Favorite Beverage: Frappuccino, shake, iced tea, smoothie.. anything cold or with ice
Favorite Fast food: Shakey's, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Jollibee
Favorite Restaurant: Swiss Chalet in Canada; Dad's Restaurant
Favorite Bar: Alberto's, Nevada Square in Baguio City, My soon-owned cafe bar
Favorite Place: In my room... LoL! Seriously, I wanna visit Europe, United States of America, United Kingdom, Asia, and explore Philippines
Favorite Vegetable: Cauliflower, Potato
Favorite thing in the Universe: Moon
Right/Left Handed: Righty
Heritage: Spanish with a slight combination of Chinese heritage
Fears: Dying with an unfinished business on earth
Overused Phrase: Get lost if you couldn't deal with me!
Best Physical Feature: Cheeks
Do you Smoke: Negative
Do you Swear: Not at all times
Do you Pray: Always
Do you Sing: I can but not that good
Do you Shower Daily: In the morning when I get up from bed and before bed time
Been in Love: I’m always in love. If not with special someone, I’m in love with my family, friends, and God. Right now, I am super in love.
Do you Love Studying: 80% positive
Do you Believe in yourself: I do
Do you think you are Attractive: At some point or another yes! LoL!
Do you get along with your Parents: Couldn't tell, but maybe at one point or another
Do you like Thunderstorms: Not really
Do you play an Instrument: I was studying to play the flute, guitar and piano before but unfortunately, I never got the chance to continue
Are you an Alcoholic: I'm a social drinker
Are you a smoker: 100% Negative
Do you do drugs: 100% Negative
Have you been Drunk: Couple of times
FATHER’S NAME & OCCUPATION:
Rostom Lardizabal Lamadrid - Retired chief of fire marshal
MOTHER’S NAME & OCCUPATION:
Cynthia Lardizabal Lorenzana - A business woman
Hyacinth Mae Lorenzana Lamadrid – Computer Engineering graduate; Businesswoman
Rostom Lorenzana Lamadrid Jr. – Information Technology graduate(First Batch of IT Graduates at Saint Louis University, Baguio City); Businessman; Rider
Rostom Lorenzana Lamadrid III - a Taekwondo player; Basketball player
Saint Augustine’s School, Tagudin. Ilocos Sur;
University of Baguio - Bachelor of Science in Nursing
Lorma Colleges - Bachelor of Science in Ladderized Nursing; Bachelor of Science in Nursing (Graduate)
A little about me
Yow and hello, I am a computer addict but neither a smoker nor illegal drug user. I am a social drinker. Almost half of my friends’ population are my drinking buddies. That is why now; I understand why some people get themselves drunk. Not because they just want to get wasted. But, instead they want to escape each killing moment every fucking night thinking of what is happening in their damn life. Of course they do not forget their problems. At least, they do not spend the night crying themselves to sleep. Beat that!
I never dream of myself in the medical field. Furthermore, my dreams and interests are slightly far from what I am right now. That is because of my parents and relatives pressure. They want me to follow the footsteps of my late auntie (my mother's sister) to be a successful nurse abroad. I was forced because of my conscience so; I am temporarily setting aside my dreams and aspirations for their sake. Hopefully I will not disappoint them but I would make them proud of me (Aw!). Though I am learning to love what I am doing today, of course I still have my own dreams that I want to pursue. Right? That is why I am taking it easy not to fall in love so much of what I do today for it may cause loss of interest pursuing my own. In that case, I might permanently forget my dreams and I know it will cause too much pain and frustration seeking for satisfaction. But a turning point happened in my life in the middle of my nursing career. I was caring for patients who were experiencing mental breakdowns while at the same time secretly experiencing my own mental breakdown. I'm not entirely sure how I even made it to the end of the shift. Stress and sleep deprivation are a nasty combination but worth it if work is appreciated as job well done. Then I started to love nursing and caring for people.
I can never own something that was never mine. So what I did is to let myself stop gripping on things I expect to last forever. Because I just learned that nothing lasts forever and forever is a lie. Everything is transitory. So now, while I have things in my hand, I put into mind that it is only borrowed. So that someday, when it is gone, it will not take me an eternity just to let it go.
I have a lot of things to do in life such as to learn how to play music instruments like piano, guitar, flute, and violin. I want to learn how to drive wheels. I want to be free from my parents and play under the rain. Yet, there are lots of things hindering those things I want to do. My family is one of those. My parents are too strict. Sometimes, it even come to that point that I wish they were never my family. Hardcore isn’t it? But let me finish first so you might well understand. They never support me on things when I need them to be there. It seems I do not have a so-called family. They do not even want me to get involved to the society. What the heck? And when they talk with people about me, they would say I do not have friends and I do not want to befriend with anybody. Maybe because I only stay at home all day all night during my free time. They do not know that on the other hand, I have a lot of friends outside who accept, support, and love me for who I am. Did someone ever wonder I envy those people who could do everything that they want? Yeah, I envy those who could go with their peers and hang-out on the beach, mall, or where so ever. Every time I see people who seem they are free as birds, I wish I would be just like them. How I wish I never had a family like this. Nobody in my family supports me. I need a moral and emotional support from them but they don’t even care to. They are always putting me down. When I am at home, I have nobody to talk to. Thank God, I have my own mobile phone, television, radio, and of course laptop in my room to get off from boredom and depression. Sometimes, I can not even think what kind of family I have. Therefore do not be amaze if sometimes I have low self-esteem and I do not even have self-actualization. But hey? After all, I would not be the best of what I am right now if not because of them.
I love meeting new friends. I enjoy being with them and sharing my thoughts with them. At first thought, you might say I am not approachable. Well, try me and I will prove you wrong. LoL! You can always count on me. I appreciate those friends who can appreciate my good side and of course I also appreciate those friends who directly tell about my evil side because they help me improve myself to be at my best. LoL! When you see me around just give me your sweetest smile and that would make my day shine brightly. (Wow! Did I just said that?) Please excuse me if sometimes I cracked corny jokes. Because that is the only way to pretend that I do not have any problems to bother. Even if people say that noisy people are not serious. But they never know that behind my happy smiles & joyous laughter is a thousand kinds of pain which I tried to hide ever since and sometimes even friends do not mind if I am in pain. As long as they see me smile, they will assume I am okay. Please allow me to be myself, no matter how stupid and irritating I could get. If you want to help, then be a friend. If you can not then just leave me alone. Because you have no any idea what battle I am trying to survive. A broken heart needs not tough love, but a listening ear and a helping hand.
I do not want to be attached and tied with anyone’s string yet. I do not have any sleeping problems. I have no worries. No fears. No nothing. Just myself. But when I met a couple this morning laughing together, holding each others hand so tightly, and looking through each others eyes. It is harder for me to sleep now. I thought I AM BETTER OFF ALONE. But maybe they are right. Maybe it would be nicer to spend my time with someone that I love. Someone means something to me. Maybe I will try it, not for now but SOON. Soon enough when I find someone to share my remaining life with. I think I already found him, I am not just hundred percent sure if he is the one I am looking for.
No one knows about the exact story of my life except myself and of course God. You try to ask those people that might know me. They will tell you different stories and they will touch just a part of the story. But they will never tell you the exact story of my life because they were not there during those moments in my life. I am a closed-off type of a person. I seldom tell my life story to people I get along with. In times of trouble, I only choose to talk to God.
My life worst scenario is when people assume that they know me even without trying to get to know me and they judge me from my actions without knowing the reason behind it. So, I must take pleasure in pain inflicted by people who can not seem to get a life. They live to criticize every inch of me, when in fact every little flaw they see hits them with pangs of jealousy for the reason that even if I am a little stained, they hopelessly ask themselves, "How the hell does she make it look just perfect?" LoL! I do not get over the pain, I just learn to get along with pain and live with it through time.
My haters and critics taught me how to be stronger than I was before. I appreciate them anyway. I learned from them that for every person who does not like me, there are twice as many who do. So, why should I care about those who do not? I can never please anybody anyway. If I am being true to myself and that still is not enough for them, then what is left for me to do? N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I just hope that someday, they will learn to see me in a different light and embrace who I really am. This is the law of life. Take it or leave it.
Message for my haters and critics: I can not be a DUMMY if I know within me I am REAL. Yet, some people misunderstood me, do not recognize my existence, and not even bother to take a simple glimpse of my worth. But this is what I want to say......
"WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT YOU GET. JUDGE ME? WELL, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU SEE. BUT KNOWING ME IS YOUR CREATIVITY TO LOOK DEEPER, PEEL WHATEVER COVER YOU COULD SEE BECAUSE DEEP WITHIN ME IS WHAT MAKES ME HUMAN. NOT PERFECT, JUST THE REAL ME."
People have the right to judge me in and out not unless they happen to research and learn my story line. I love it when people judge me negatively especially the part where they find out that they were wrong.
Everybody have problems in their life and so am I. There are 9 hardest times in my life:
1. Being questioned when I myself do not understand.
2. Pretending to be innocent of what I am guilty about.
3. Trying to forget something I know I never will.
4. Admitting I was wrong after I have been so insistent that I was right.
5. Debating with myself.
6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.
7. Trying to understand when I just can not.
8. Realized that I have been tricked after I have given my whole trust.
9. Parting and letting go of someone who made me believe in love.
Sometimes, it feels like I want to give up and ends my life but I am not that stupid person to waste such a wonderful blessing from God, which is my life. Another thing is, suicidal attempt is just for "emo" people and I am not one of them. It is so cowardly. I am an emotional person but I am not getting used to emo fashion. Sometimes, I want to cry out my long-kept-tears but I decided to keep them all here. I do not care even if it will be too hard to bear. What I do to overcome obstacles is first, chit-chat with friends and tell corny jokes even if I know they will not laugh at them. Second, drown myself into music. Third, I better not mind those things that depress me, because it only makes me weak inside and out. There are a lot of things I can give more my time into. I do not get stuck with those things that ruin my day. I just smile and am happy. Life is too short to be wasted on crap. Last but not the least is ignoring the word "PERFECT," because there is no such thing as perfect. I promise. Nothing is perfect. I am just seeing life beyond imperfections. Anyway, I can not say that I am happy because everything is alright. Yet, I'm happy Because everything sucks but I am doing just fine. That is why people say I am strong because I am numb to any pain. Actually, it is my special technique. What they do not know is that I had to break my heart a billion times just to master it.
I do not have much achievements in life yet, but at least I have enough. It seems that there is still missing in me. All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.
Sometimes life is like that. Being happy does not mean does not mean that everything is perfect. It just means that you see life beyond its imperfections. So, do not say you are happy because everything is alright. You are happy but everything sucks but you are doing just fine.
One technique how to cope? Laugh until tears emerge then cry as if you are really happy. And the world will not know you have got a broken heart.