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5 Signs You're Headed Toward a Breakup

Posted on February 9, 2010 at 12:14 AM

By dating coach David Wygant

Haveyou ever found yourself in a relationship where thefrustration level and the number of times you butt heads with eachother seems to increase by the second? You say blue, she says red, andthe fights just seem to be going in circles.Ifthe answer is yes, then you may be at what I call "the breakup point."Here are five signs that your relationship may be past the point offixing. Whether you are living together, married, or just dating, thesebreakup signs are usually loud and clear.

1.You stop relationship-building behaviors. In thehoneymoon stage of a relationship, which we all know is the first 90days of pure bliss, you are learning about each other and makingefforts to create romantic moods and nice evenings. When you're in thatstage, you are really working at building your relationship. Then, atsome point, you start to butt heads with each other. Criticalrelationship elements deteriorate. Maybe you stop kissing each othergoodbye or stop texting each other during the day. Instead of addingthings to the relationship, you start to resent each other like twofive-year-olds who stop sharing their crayons. This is a breakuppoint.

2. You don'tunderstand each other anymore. The fighting escalatesto a place where you no longer feel like you're understood by yourpartner. Physical intimacy stops, communication stops, and you areliving like roommates. You're at the point in the relationship whereyou are trying to understand each other, but you get so frustratedbecause you feel like you just don't understand each other anymore.This is a breakup point.

3.You start punishing each other. When you get to thepoint of no longer understanding each other, what happens is that youend up just kind of coexisting in the new dynamic. Resentment buildsand you get in your head too much. You are no longer about feelings,and you start punishing each other. "Well, he hasn't done this for me,so I'm not going to do this for him" are the kind of thoughts that takeroot. The longer you stay in that dynamic and the further away you getfrom the dynamic you had during the early part of the relationship, theless likely it is that you'll ever get it back (and, after a point, youwon't). You have hit the breakup point.

4.You fight less. When you get to the breakup point, youactually fight less with your partner. You fight less because in yourmind and heart you start detaching yourself from the other person, andyou don't care as much anymore. You have already made a determinationthat they don't understand you, that they will never understand you,and that the relationship just won't work out. The minute you get intoa fight, you just walk away from it. That is a sure sign that you areat the breakup point.

5.You've taken the time to think it through. When youthink you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the personthat you're disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw. Ifyou don't think the relationship is going to work, or you know you'vealready disconnected based on how things have been going, then youmight want to consider walking away for a week. When you're in thethick of things, they never seem to be able to work out.

Sotake a break. Spend a week without your partner. Take the week to askyourself some questions. Go visit some friends or family. Really thinkabout what life would be like without that person. How would you feel?Then, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or breakup.Whichever decision you make, youneed to be honest with yourself. Life is too short! There are a lot ofwonderful, amazing people out there ready to meet you.

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