Glimpse of a Flower's Quickly Fading - Holly Cynth - Official Website

I'm a nurse by profession BUT A WRITER BY HEART. Everyone wants to be writer but not everyone can come up with a brilliant masterpiece. I can only write about personal stuffs, my point of view!

lamadrid006's profile

Female, 28 years old
Tagudin, Ilocos Sur
Philippines
Member since: Sep 23, 2007

Holly Cynth Lorenzana Lamadrid's Friends

Messages

Schools

Saint Augustine's School, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur 1994-2004 2005-2006

Saint Louis College, High School, San Fernando, La Union 2004-2005

Saint Louis University, Baguio City 2006-2007

University of Baguio 2009 (First semester)

LORMA COLLEGES, San Fernando City, La Union 2007-2008 2009 (Second semester)-2011

Behind the Story of a Bitter and Sweet Adventure of Life and Experiences / Autobiography

Real Name: Holly Cynth Lorenzana Lamadrid

Pen name: Princess Shadylane Heart MemoryVixen IyeshiaTestatrix

Underground Name: Vixen Iyeshia Testatrix

Birthday: November 06, 1989
Birthplace: Tagudin, Ilocos Sur, Philippines 2714
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

Profession: Registered Nurse, Licensed Intravenous Therapy Nurse, Certified Blogger


Eye Color: Black

Hair Color: Brown to dark brown

Height: 5’2.5”
Blood Type: AB

 

Favorite Color/s: Pink, Purple, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange, Black, Brown

Favorite Food: Anything with dairy products

Favorite Snack: Anything with dairy products

Favorite Beverage: Frappuccino, shake, iced tea, smoothie.. anything cold or with ice

Favorite Fast food: Shakey's, McDonalds, Pizza Hut

Favorite Restaurant: Swiss Chalet in Canada; Dad's Restaurant

Favorite Bar: Alberto's, Nevada Square in Baguio City, My soon-owned cafe bar

Favorite Place: In my room... LoL! Seriously, I wanna visit Rome, Paris, Miami, New York, and explore Philippines

Favorite Vegetable: Cauliflower

Favorite thing in the Universe: Moon

 

Right/Left Handed: Righty
Heritage: Spanish with a slight combination of Chinese heritage

Fears: Dying with an unfinished business on earth

Overused Phrase: Get lost if you couldn't deal with me!
Best Physical Feature: Cheeks
Do you Smoke: Negative

Do you Swear: Not at all times

Do you Pray: Always

Do you Sing: I can but not that good

Do you Shower Daily: In the morning when I get up from bed and before bed time

Been in Love: I’m always in love. If not with special someone, I’m in love with my family, friends, and God. Right now, I am super in love.

Do you Love Studying: 80% positive
Do you Believe in yourself: I do

Do you think you are Attractive: At some point or another yes! LoL!

Do you get along with your Parents: Couldn't tell, but maybe at one point or another

Do you like Thunderstorms: Not really
Do you play an Instrument: I was studying to play the flute, guitar and piano before but unfortunately, I never got the chance to continue

Are you an Alcoholic: I'm a social drinker

Are you a smoker: 100% Negative
Do you do drugs: 100% Negative
Have you been Drunk: Couple of times

 

FATHER’S NAME & OCCUPATION:

Rostom Lardizabal Lamadrid - Retired chief of fire marshal

MOTHER’S NAME & OCCUPATION:

Cynthia Lardizabal Lorenzana - A business woman

SIBLINGS:

Hyacinth Mae Lorenzana Lamadrid – Computer Engineering graduate

Rostom Lorenzana Lamadrid Jr. – Information Technology graduate(First Batch of IT Graduates at Saint Louis University, Baguio City)

Rostom Lorenzana Lamadrid III - a Taekwondo player

ELEMENTARY:

Saint Augustine’s School, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur

HIGH SCHOOL:

Saint Augustine’s School, Tagudin. Ilocos Sur; Saint Louis College, High School, San Fernando City, La Union

COLLEGE:

Saint Louis University – Bachelor of Science in Nursing

                University of Baguio - Bachelor of Science in Nursing

LORMA Colleges – Bachelor of Science in Ladderized Nursing, Bachelor of Science in Nursing

 

Yow and hello, I'm a computer addict but neither a smoker nor illegal drug user. I'm a social drinker. Almost half of my friends’ population are my drinking buddies. That's why now; I understand why some people get themselves drunk. Not because they just want to get wasted. But, instead they want to escape each killing moment every fucking night thinking of what is happening in their damn life. Of course they don't forget their problems. At least, they don't spend the night crying themselves to sleep. Beat that!

 

I never dream of myself in the medical field. Furthermore my dreams and interests are slightly far from what I am right now. That is because of my parents and relatives pressure. They want me to follow the footsteps of my late auntie (my mother's sister) to be a successful nurse abroad. I was forced because of my conscience so; I'm temporarily setting aside my dreams and aspirations for their sake. Hopefully I won't disappoint them but I would satisfy them (Aw!). Though I'm learning to love what I am doing today, of course I still have my own dreams that I want to pursue. Right? That's why I'm taking it easy not to fall in love so much of what I do today for it may cause loss of appetite pursuing my own. In that case, I might permanently forget my dreams and I know it will cause too much pain and frustration seeking for satisfaction. But a turning point happened in my life in the middle of my nursing career. I was caring for patients who were experiencing mental breakdowns while at the same time secretly experiencing my own mental breakdown. I'm not entirely sure how I even made it to the end of the shift. Stress and sleep deprivation are a nasty combination but worth it if work is been appreciated as job well done.

 

I can never own something that was never mine. So what I did is to let myself stop gripping on things I expect to last forever. 'Coz I just learned that nothing lasts forever and forever is a lie. Everything is transitory. So now, while I have things in my hand, I put into mind that it's only borrowed. So that someday, when it's gone, it won't take me an eternity just to let it go.

 

I have a lot of things to do in life such as to learn how to play music instruments like piano, guitar, flute, and violin. I want to learn how to drive wheels. I want to be free from my parents and play under the rain. Yet, there are lots of things hindering those things I want to do. My family is one of those. My parents are too strict. Sometimes, it even come to that point that I wish they were never my family. Hardcore isn’t it? But let me finish first so you might well understand. They never support me on things when I need them to be there. It seems I don’t have a so-called family. They don’t even want me to get involved to the society. What the heck? And when they talk with people about me, they would say I don’t have friends and I don’t want to befriend with anybody. Maybe because I only stay at home all day all night during my free time. They don’t know that on the other hand, I have a lot of friends outside who accept, support, and love me for who I am. Did someone ever wonder I envy those people who could do everything that they want? Yeah, I envy those who could go with their peers and hang-out on the beach, mall, or where so ever. Every time I see people who seem they’re free as birds, I wish I would be just like them. How I wish I never had a family like this. Nobody in my family supports me. I need a moral and emotional support from them but they don’t even care to. They are always putting me down. When I am at home, I have nobody to talk with. Thank God, I have my own mobile phone, television, radio, and of course laptop in my room to get off from boredom and depression. Sometimes, I can’t even think what kind of family I have. Therefore don’t be amaze if sometimes I have low self-esteem and I don’t even have self-actualization. But hey? After all, I wouldn't be the best of what I am right now if not because of them.

 

I love meeting new friends. I enjoy being with them and sharing my thoughts with them. At first thought, you might say I'm not approachable. Well, try me and I'll prove you wrong. LoL! You can always count on me. I appreciate those friends who can appreciate my right side and of course I also appreciate those friends who directly tell about my evil side 'coz they help me improve those este to change. LoL! When you see me around just give me your sweetest smile and that would make my day shine brightly. Please excuse me if sometimes I cracked corny jokes. Because that's the only way to pretend that I don't have any problems to bother. Even if people say that noisy people are not serious. But they never know that behind my happy smiles & joyous laughter is a thousand kinds of pain which I tried to hide ever since and sometimes even friends don't mind if I'm in pain. As long as they see me smile, they will assume I'm okay. Please allow me to be myself, no matter how stupid and irritating I could get. If you want to help, then be a friend. If you can't then just leave me alone. 'Coz you have no any idea what battle I am trying to survive. A broken heart needs not tough love, but a listening ear and a helping hand. 

 

I don’t want to be attached and tied with anyone’s string yet. I don't have any sleeping problems. I have no worries. No fears. No nothing. Just myself. But when I met a couple this morning laughing together, holding each others hand so tightly, and looking through each others eyes. It's harder for me to sleep now. I thought I'M BETTER OFF ALONE. But maybe they are right. Maybe it would be nicer to spend my time with someone that I love. Someone means something to me. Maybe I'll try it, not for now but SOON. Soon enough when I find someone to share my remaining life with. I think I already found him, I'm not just hundred percent sure if he's the one I'm looking for.

 

No one knows about the exact story of my life except myself and of course God. You try to ask those people that might know me. They will tell you different stories and they will touch just a part of the story. But they will never tell you the exact story of my life because they were not there during those moments in my life. I’m a closed-off type of a person. I seldom tell my life story to people I get along with. In times of trouble, I only choose to talk God.

 

My life worst scenario is when people assume that they know me even without trying to get to know me and they judge me from my actions without knowing the reason behind it. So, I must take pleasure in pain inflicted by people who can't seem to get a life. They live to criticize every inch of me, when in fact every little flaw they see hits them with pangs of jealousy for the reason that even if I'm a little stained, they hopelessly ask themselves, "how the hell does she make it look just perfect?" LoL! I don’t get over the pain, I just learn to get along with pain and live with it through time.

 

My haters taught me how to be stronger than I was before. I appreciate them anyway. I learned from them that for every person who doesn't like me, there are twice as many who do. So, why should I care about those who don't? I can never please anybody anyway. If I'm being true to myself and that still isn't enough for them, then what's left for me to do? N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I just hope that someday, they will learn to see me in a different light and embrace who I really am. This is the law of life. Take it or leave it.

 

Message for my haters: I can't be a DUMMY if I know within me I'm REAL. Yet, some people misunderstood me, don't recognize my existence, and not even bother to take a simple glimpse of my worth. But this is what I want to say......
"WHAT YOU SEE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT YOU GET. JUDGE ME? WELL, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU SEE. BUT KNOWING ME IS YOUR CREATIVITY TO LOOK DEEPER, PEEL WHATEVER COVER YOU COULD SEE 'COZ DEEP WITHIN ME IS WHAT MAKES ME HUMAN. NOT PERFECT, JUST THE REAL ME."

 

People have the right to judge me in and out not unless they happen to research and learn my story line. I love it when people judge me negatively especially the part where they find out that they were wrong.

 

Everybody have problems in their life and so am I. There are 9 hardest times in my life:
1. Being questioned when I myself do not understand.
2. Pretending to be innocent of what I am guilty about.
3. Trying to forget something I know I never will.
4. Admitting I was wrong after I have been so insistent that I was right.
5. Debating with myself.
6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.
7. Trying to understand when I just can not.
8. Realized that I have been tricked after I have given my whole trust.
9. Parting and letting go of someone who made me believe in love.

 

Sometimes, it feels like I want to give up and ends my life but I'm not that stupid person to waste such a wonderful blessing from God, which is my life. Another thing is, suicidal attempt is just for "emo" people and I'm not one of them. It's so cowardly. I’m an emotional person but I’m not getting used to emo fashion. Sometimes, I want to cry out my long-kept-tears but I decided to keep them all here. I don't care even if it will be too hard to bear. What I do to overcome obstacles is first, chit-chat with friends and tells corny jokes even if I know they won’t laugh at them. Second, drown myself into music. Third, I better not mind those things that depress me, because it only makes me weak inside and out. There are a lot of things I can give more my time into. I don't get stuck with those things that ruin my day. I just smile and am happy. Life is too short to be wasted on crap. Last but not the least is ignoring the word "PERFECT," 'coz there's no such thing as perfect. I promise. Nothing is perfect. I'm just seeing life beyond imperfections. Anyway, I can't say that I'm happy because everything is al right. Yet, I'm happy 'coz everything sucks but I'm doing just fine. That's why people say I'm strong 'coz I'm numb to any pain. Actually, it's my special technique. What they don't know is that I had to break my heart a billion times just to master it.

 

I don’t have much achievements in life yet, but at least I have enough.  It seems that there is still missing in me. All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

 

Sometimes life is like that. Being happy doesn’t mean doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It just means that you see life beyond its imperfections. So, don’t say you’re happy ‘coz everything is all right. You’re happy but everything sucks but you’re doing just fine.

 

One technique how to cope? Laugh 'til tears emerge then cry as if you're really happy. And the world wouldn't know you've got a broken heart.

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